falling off the wagon

July 13, 2016

Falling off the wagonRemember when forever ago I told you I sucked at consistently blogging? And then I repeated the same thing basically every few weeks when – again – I wouldn’t blog?

Well, take that and apply it to my life.

Finances. Fitness. Food.

None F-related words too, I’m sure. Like painting. Other side projects. Kero. My family. Friends (wow that still is a lot of “f” words..fackkk). I feel like I’ve fallen off the bandwagon in many (or most) areas of my life recently.

Basically, some things are private and I went through a *major* private moment, which I’ve eluded to before. I know it sounds super sexual and fun, but really it has been a miserable journey, albeit a good learning experience. I feel like a stronger, more patient and understanding person. I’ve battled some of my own demons. But the flip side of that has been my fall from “grace”–going from being fit, healthy, happy, consistently writing and reading and traveling, to laying on the couch, binge-watching Netflix and binge-eating those super delicious Trader Joes white cheddar puffs.

After The Event, I lost weight due to stress. Like, a lot of weight. And then that same stress helped me put all the weight back on…and then some. And then some more. Meanwhile, my 6x/week workouts went down to nothing. Honestly, sometimes it was just a struggle to get out of bed, let alone eat or workout. Most days, the closest thing I came to fitness was laughing at Tina Fey.

This summer has been a bit better. I’ve started dipping my toes into the “fitness” waters again. I go to a strength training class 2x/week with a friend, and once that stops in early August, I plan on working through a regime my trainer wrote up for me. I’m also trying to incorporate cardio 3 or so times a week, and that’s not counting the walks or bike rides I go on with Kero.

Then there’s the food. LAWD Midwesterners–especially Chicagoans in the summertime–love their food. Or maybe that’s just me? Either way, this has been my biggest struggle. So, for the time being, I’m back on MyFitnessPal to help keep myself accountable. I feel so lame measuring and weighing things out at work or home, but I know it’s for the best and that it’s not a permanent feature of my life.

So, why am I sharing all of this?

I guess because I’m tired of faking it. I love eating healthy and working out. I miss that routine I established–where I didn’t think twice about going to the gym. I *had* to go for my sanity. But now? I don’t feel that way. Some days, it’s a struggle to wake up and get to the gym because I need to snuggle with Kero and sleep, more than I need to be on a treadmill for 45 minutes.

But I’m getting there. I know I’m getting there.

It’s somewhat weird and somewhat natural for me to share this with you.

I understand every blog is different. For awhile, I feel as if there was a trend in the blogosphere toward very straight-forward, informative blog posts. But I’m injecting a little bit more personality into this blog because I miss it! Even though it’s scary AF to share this with you. Literally, I have no clue who reads this. Maybe we went to high school together? Maybe we never met? Maybe you’re in my fitness class or live in my apartment building? But at the same time, the human experience (the highs and the lows) is the real reason I’m drawn to the blogging world, so I have to be brave enough to share mine too.

However…the copywriter in me struggles with this concept. How can I divulge such personal information when it doesn’t immediately align with some of the “themes” I’ve developed on this blog? But really, how shitty, fake and contradictory would I be if I shared healthy recipes or inspiring stories, while behind the scenes I haven’t worked out in 5 weeks and I had ice cream for dinner?

Pretty shitty if you ask me.

So, while the purpose of this blog has always been to shed light on what it’s like to live in the Midwest as a modern, creative, sometimes-hippie woman, it’s also natural for me to want to share pieces of my personal journey too.

One part journal (personal, fitness journey) and one part journalistic (DIYs, interviews, recipes), if you will.

And I hope that no matter what part of that mix you’re drawn to, you get something–inspiration, motivation, perspective, camaraderie, understanding–out of it.

This entire post is me being 110% transparent with you.

Have I binged on junk the past 2 months? For sure. Have I gained weight and lost muscle and spent more afternoons than I’d like to admit self-loathing? Yes. But I’d like to think I’m on the upswing, and I’m hoping I’ll get *completely* back on the wagon–fitness, blogging, traveling, reading, eating right–very soon. Thanks for bearing with me.

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1 Comment

  • Reply Caramel Rice Krispie Recipe | Midwest Love Fest October 21, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    […] my calorie intake using MyFitnessPal again. I love using it get back on track after I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit. However, when I started upping my workouts, I obviously became hungrier and then it got to […]

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